GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
