I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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