If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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