Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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