as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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