too bad you live with your parents still
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
