The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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