Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
