I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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