I am puke
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i love accidental penises.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
