I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
