is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
COCAINE IS GR8
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
