Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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