3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the day after is always just damage control
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
