she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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