If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
