If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
