The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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