I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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