she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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