Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
