Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't deserve a penis
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
