your thong is hanging out like whoa
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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