please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
