i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
