porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
