Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
