Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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