she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
