last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
