Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize