Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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