I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
