it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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