I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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