You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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