Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
