I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
