There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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