So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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