i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
