so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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