After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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