He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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