I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
