Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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