Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
