shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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