I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
