she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
