I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
