I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
