omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
