Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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