her vagine was all disorganized.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
