Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
