we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
