one two three fourrrrnication!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
