Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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