Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
