i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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