Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize