I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
