look no pants
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
