Small penises have feelings too.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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