The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
