how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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