i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
