You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
