my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
one might say we're banned from that church
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
