she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
