In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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