Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
