i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
even my farts smell like vagina
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize