I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
