I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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