The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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