I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
