What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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