Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
