Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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