I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
