batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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