we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
