Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
