things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
