it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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