That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
