Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
