I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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