so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
