It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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