Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
