I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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