I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
