so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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