I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ttyl tear gas
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
