He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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