if you like me you must not know who I am
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
