Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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