I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
